she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
