i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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