I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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