i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
