I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize