Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
