I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
