Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
