He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize