went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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