His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
