a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
