i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
