Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
