u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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