You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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