Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
