So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
