Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
