my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
