He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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