well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
