Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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