More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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