I want to stick my p in your. b.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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