I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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