she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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