Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hippo gnu deer
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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