She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
