So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
