i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize