I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
