I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
