I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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