I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
