I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
