well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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