Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
