Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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