I want to stick my p in your. b.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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