I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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