So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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