I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
