i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
