Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
