after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have aggressive nipples.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
