I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
