His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
