I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
