I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
