Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize