Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
