I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
