this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
