He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
