if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
