All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
how drunk are you?
Several
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize