He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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