I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You ate ashes out of my bong
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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