Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
