her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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