there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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