I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it's like heaven, but drunker
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
