I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
