You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
