11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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