I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
