I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
