we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
